


Zom

by ckret2



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckret2/pseuds/ckret2
Summary: At a Future Irken Leaders Association meeting, cadets Red and Purple are intrigued by the tall new member in a lumpy trench coat who's raiding the snack table.





	Zom

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr's freaking out, time to mirror everything to AO3. This was originally posted in 2016. I was requested to write some shenanigans with Zim, Skoodge, Red, & Purple while they were in training as Elites.

“Ooooh.” Purple elbowed Red in the side and pointed, whispering, “Hey. Who’s the new guy?” 

Red turned to look at the cadet who’d just entered the lecture hall, and was now standing under the Future Irken Leaders Association banner. The “you must be this tall to enter” sign set up by the door pointed squarely at his imperiously set lower jaw. 

“Huh.” Red squinted. “I don’t recognize him.” 

“Me neither. Whaddaya think, somebody hit a growth spurt?” They both watched as the new guy walked to the luxurious snack table set up at the front of the hall. He was a little unsteady on his feet. 

“Or maybe he transferred from another base? That trench coat isn’t standard uniform here.” 

“Maybe he’s in special training for rainstorm operations.” 

“Someone _that_ tall?” 

“Ehh, good point. Guess he _is_ a transfer.” 

Now he was stuffing himself at the snack table: for every two snacks in his mouth, one stuffed into his coat. Saving them for later, probably. 

Red got to his feet. “It’s another ten minutes until the meeting starts. Should we go met him?” 

“Yeah! This is a _perfect_ opportunity for…” Purple wiggled his fingers spookily at Red, “ _networking._ ” 

“… Don’t do that.” 

“Make me…” Wiggle wiggle wiggle, “ _stop._ ” 

Red punched him in the arm. (“Ow!”) He weaved around the other tall cadets as he headed to the front of the lecture hall, Purple trailing behind. “Hey there… new _friend._ ” Red and Purple grinned predatorily. 

“Eh?!” The new guy turned to peer over his shoulder. “Oh! Oh yes! That’s me!” He punched himself in the stomach, shuffled around 180 degrees, and punched his stomach again. 

“Say, that’s kinda weird,” Red observed. 

“What? No!  _What’s_ weird?” He waved his arms, which seemed unusually short for a guy his height. “I’m a totally normal tall cadet!” 

“Yeah, Red’s right,” Purple said casually. “You punched yourself in the stomach.” 

“What? Pfft—no I didn’t!” 

“You did. Twice.” 

“… Oh. Oh yeah. That. Heh. Y'know, I—I didn’t even notice. You see, I… uhhh…” He stared blankly at them. “… I h-have a… a leg… condition?” 

Purple’s antennae perked up. “Oh!” 

Red nodded. “Oh, sure!” 

“Yeah, I get it.” 

“Could happen to anyone.” 

“Nasty things, those leg conditions.”

“Hey Purple, remember that time you broke your back and had a leg condition for a month?” 

“I sure do. I _sure_ do.” 

Red and Purple smiled at the new guy. He smiled nervously back. “So,” Red said, “what’s your name?” 

“M-me? _My_ name?” 

Purple leaned in closer. “That’s what he asked.” 

“It’s… Zom! Yes! I am Zom.” His stomach whispered, “ _I thought we agreed on_ —” He punched it. 

“Zom. Cool, cool.” “Cool cool cool. So! Where ya from?” 

“Uhh…” A long moment of silence. Zom started reaching behind himself, grabbing snacks and stuffing them in his coat. “Weeell, you see…” 

His stomach whispered, “ _Tell them you’re from—_ ” 

“Shut _up._ ” He punched his stomach more viciously, lost his balance, and flopped back on the snack table. Or his top half did, at least. His bottom half stared at Red and Purple in terror, little red eyes wide and antennae sticking straight up. 

Red and Purple stared back. 

For a moment, all was silent. 

“Aa-AAAHH!” Zom wailed. “Oh no! My legs! They’ve gained sentience and detached from me! I-I need to... go to a doctor! _AAAAH!_ ” Still wailing, Zom jumped off the table and sprinted out of the room, trench coat dragging behind him. The entire room watched him leave. His legs fainted. A hush settled over the room. 

“Boy,” Purple said, “my leg condition never got _that_  bad.”

Red smacked him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [tumblr](http://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/152971940932/um-zim-red-purple-and-skoodge-shenanigans-when).


End file.
